ang tamad ko :( assignment due tomorrow, self-imposed actually since it's actual submission was last week pero anoooo naaaaa I'm still doing it right this moment.

is not techie.

For the past two weeks I have been holding my heart's desire to own a windows-based computer, of course I love my macbook but I can't play games on it..no sims, no dinner dash, I can't even convert the themes I downloaded for my cellphone (which by the way I decided to use nokia again for so many reasons..).

Not a techie person at all so I want the basics -- okay another manifestation of aging! ERASE.

Busy busy week ahead. 3 events, meetings, reports, luci's birthday - ironing out the plans!, National Marketing Conference, school! O diba panalo? I just hope everything will turn out well..surprise surprise :)

Going back to my heart's desire, nothing in the world could ever beat the Toyota Hi-lux! this tops the list--as in serrriously! okay funny I know but that's all I want for now -- and an Imac, but what the HEY I can't afford one. I waaant so much..screw girly cars. Gaawd I want a pickup for crying out loud.

These things are not worth being written by pen and paper -- no little black book for now.

oh why I cried reading the story of a girl.

tonight I think I met my favorite writer to date..

because only Pisceans could fathom other Pisceans.

because changes have to be embraced

irrelevant title..as usual.

1. new ear piercings. Will ponder if adding two more is okay after a couple of months..and god a tattoo please! hopefully when I've gather all my strength along with the permission of luci (sounds bleak though) I can have one before the year ends.

2. finally I have my little black book so more stuff there, less here.


and i love you everyday, every minute I wish every single time I breathe I could let you know how much.. it's pretty enormous that sometimes it hurts to move already. I wish I could show you..I wish I could let you know I dunno what happened why I turned out to be like this..why I always place arguments first and push you away and make you feel unloved and not needed when in fact everything will not make sense without you. Just in case I die tomorrow I'm typing this here. again, yes i love you so much everyday, every minute, every second, every time I breathe, every morning, in the afternoon, in the evening and all the hours in between even if sometimes it hurts to move. i love you everyday even if --- for the meantime --- it's not shown.

Lord, you know when's the BEST time to remind me of this quote.

rich men did not become rich by buying all things their heart desires -- learn to save up.

(Gloria Diaz to Daughter Belle Daza)

something like that. Preview April issue is downstairs.

I was expecting Friday to come in good fate -- less unhappy, less worried and friday was way too kind that everything happened otherwise. If there is anything more frustrating than unresolved insecurities it has to be the quench for freedom from something that crashes your happy disposition.

Cindy will laugh her ass off once she reads this and will stress to my face how she would never ever have me for a girlfriend..not even for a day.

You know what's more frustrating pala it's when you can't stand up for something you thought you badly wanted and needed, after a while realizing it's just one of those days (ones that happen at least twice a week?) when you don't get what you want and throw the most pestering tantrums. As luci calls it, ang pag totoyo -- terminal stage.

B is for busy.

I feel bad for bazillion of reasons. I'm worried, actually sick of worrying about the things I have to accomplish and submit on the 13th -- one piece of heavy load off my shoulder after which I know I can fully focus on this crocs S/S 09 launch.

I caught myself texting nonstop for work tonight even in places and occasions where I shouldn't. Especially when I'm around luci i just hate being occuppied with work when around him..tss. For the longest time it's just now that I realized how quite efficient I am when it comes to time management. I can work, study, go out with friends, get into sports and be in a relationship. Whatever you throw at me I can joggle it pala and come out of the circus alive. Who could've thought.

Anyway. back to school work.

Another rant, don't you just loathe minor subject professors who are freakin gaddamn assholes who give the most number of requirements and the most difficult tasks? iniisip ko nalang grad school to kaya ganito..grad school to. grr.

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:(

i want change :(

iho de puto.

most of the time I unconsciously try to ruin the thing that makes me happy the most -- I try to defy my guts and get swayed away by the phenomenon.

As I type I pry into my anxiousness and as i deny how much competitive I can get vis a vis the opposite sex, there's a long sigh that translates to:
I can't lie to myself;
and a longer sigh that says the shit: I am at my unhealthiest when I am at my most competitive form.


2 pages of crappy reactions not yet DONE.

na na na

The two past weeks have been very lax...palagay ko lang ay nakakalimutan ko na nag-aaral pala ko. Now I hope I can fully utilize my monday at home finishing one report, three paper works and some reading.

Why is overnight outing never ever enough?


1. thanks to the wonderful barkada in the whole wide world!
2. thanks more to the boys (army boys as ralph calls it) who cooked the food and have been very helpful in so many ways.. domesticated much :)
3. closefriend!
4. love.

my 22nd :)

143-44

I was surprised (with something sweet) by the way.

march 11

Today I felt bad the moment I opened my eyes I tried to succumb the feeling of another day at work.

Today I ate champoradao, I think I poured too much milk and it tastes blah, two teaspoonfull and I'm done -- now I want chicharon.

Today since I didn't enjoy the thought of a working wednesday I put on a gray tight pants and I rarely wear pants so it doesn't feel umm.. loose.

Today I was able to drive at 120 again. I feel chills thinking of next thursday, i hope there'll be lesser traffic in estrada. 

Today I think a lot about grad school and how by 24 I can get my title. I vividly daydream about finishing an Ayn Rand novel in an empty house with broken ceiling and tormented walls. I think I'm missing a lot of things because of school and because I'm not free.. but giving them up would be more pitiable.

I need distraction and a broader sense of things than topshop and zara.

Today I am considering fitness first come April and enjoy badminton games every Tuesday and a new sorrounding this June.

it's so unfair

it's so unfair (and at the same time sad) because I can't even begin to elaborate why this feeling exists and it makes me cringe yes yes it does. As if it's their fault getting hold of the disease this is so weird of me while I loathe seeing street children knock on my car window, this issue deeply saddens me...extensively. I want to speak for those who can't defend themselves..uhhhg AS IF.

This is the week of my birthday specifically the last day of the week. I don't feel 22. I hope I can stop aging by 25 at least not for the next 10 years.

On a different note, I played badminton tonight! Gawd I miss sports. I miss volleyball the most! the last time I played if my memory serves me right was during 1st year college for PE teams, when class would end at 7pm and we'd all go home in PE uniforms with the pungent smell of sweat but I just don't care at all. It was also at that time when we (AYAH) get to watch Cardona and Yeo (and the rest) practice on the 9/F.

1. surprise me with something funny / weird
2. surprise me with something sweet
3. surprise me with something light